How will you spend your Thanksgiving break?
This week I'll write another article about another facet of NYU that sucks, and somehow manage to change nothing. While the audience I reach is attentive (12-year-old Red Bull addicts, or "tweens" as they're known in the industry), they have the power to do nothing but sympathize (and talk about Hannah Montana).
It's hard to get motivated when the people who should be reading your article aren't. But then again, that's not what President Sexton gets paid the big bucks (specifically $897,000 annually) to do.
Speaking of which, I guess a part of me admires him for unveiling his chunk of the budget, although it is still unclear to me as to why he did it. Was it an attempt to quell the rumors that he makes a seven-figure salary? Technically he still does, if you count the dollar sign as a figure.
Anyway, Albert sucks. It sucks. I hate it. Everybody hates it. Blah blah blah. It's the worst system ever, and it keeps me from learning things.
For example, I tried to register for a biology class because I occasionally want to learn about something I know nothing about. So I clicked all of the appropriate scroll-down windows, and much to my surprise, there are apparently no undergraduate biology classes.
This can't be right.
Am I being discriminated against as a screenwriting major? I mean, I know that my major doesn't exactly require a lot of thought, but now I'm being kept out of the classes that do?
I'm sorry, for a second I thought I was in college to learn things.
But if that was Albert's only flaw, then I would feel bad for getting my hate on. Anybody who has ever had to experience the pain of "access codes" knows a level of hatred usually reserved for malevolent dictators.
It's like you're at the ATM, trying to remember your pin number because John Sexton is holding you at gunpoint. But this isn't a normal ATM, it's a magical machine that requires you to see your advisor for each dollar you want to withdraw.
Also, if any of your dollars have a scheduling conflict, then you will get neither of them. And then you'll get shot. By John Sexton.
Besides, what does Albert even mean? I can only assume that it's an acronym of some sort. Or some pseudo-acronym like ALways-BElittling-eveRy-sTudent. I have a suggestion for a name change: Human Interactive Technology for Learning Electronic Registration, or HITLER.
How appropriate. I don't think it's coincidence that my fun-time joke is very similar to the dictation of Albert Hitler.
All I want to do is take my World War II history class at the same time as my grammar studies.
But then again, why would I want to do that when NYU has an amazing offer for students like me? Not only can I pay an incredible amount of money to live in this city and learn nothing, but I can also sign up for new classes like "Yoga!" and "Hey! Do you know sign language? Neither do we, so let's talk about it. Using our hands."
To be fair, I do not know about the validity of the new classes. Sign language is important to learn, just as any language is. However, any other student catching a flyer advertising new classes should be cautious. Then again, it's hard to forget that a credit-hour at NYU costs - on average - over a thousand dollars per semester.
But this article started with Albert, not unlike many first semesters. Albert is a battlefield, where those who think that education is not a Plutocracy die merciless deaths.
It is in Albert that one begins to see the flaws of this university. It's difficult to navigate, fussy with access codes and scheduling conflicts and the layout is anything but transparent.
Believe it or not, I do have an interest in what other students are learning. I realize that it must be difficult to manage a school as large as NYU, but what kind of university discourages exploring other fields? How much more mechanical can the education process get?
Be sure to read my next article, when I play the exact same melody on a different instrument. Then again, as I've seen in the subways, New Yorkers don't have a notable love affair with musicians.
Oliver White is a columnist. E-mail him at opinion@nyunews.com.
