BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence announced as commencement speaker for class of 2013

 

Graphic by Beyoncé Knowles

 

Following months of intense speculation, NYU spokesman CJ Cregg announced yesterday that Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence would be the speaker at commencement for the class of 2013.

“It was an exhaustive selection process,” Cregg said in an official statement. “We narrowed down a list of several dozen nominees at the top of their fields, but we kept returning to one name: J-Law.

“And I mean, c’mon, she was adorable at the Oscars,” she said.

Lawrence, known for her star-turning roles in the television series “Monk” and Mel Gibson’s feature film “The Beaver,” seemed like an obvious choice, according to a survey of every male member of the NYU community.

“Clearly you would want a speaker of your age, someone who hasn’t had to go to college, to tell you how life really is,” said Gallatin sophomore Dakota Fanning.

Cregg also said Lawrence was not the university’s first choice.

“We originally planned to have every possible option fight in Washington Square Park for the honor,” Cregg said.

“Robert De Niro, a real New Yorker, was our first choice,” she said. “But, when we had the entire cast of ‘Silver Linings Playbook’ present to interview, and she shot up from her seat to exclaim ‘I volunteer as speaker,’ there really was no other choice.”

When reached for comment, Lawrence would only giggle to a WSN reporter for 10 minutes on the phone. Her response delighted the writer to such an extent that he failed to ask a follow-up question.

NYU students took to Facebook to create a new “Jennifer Lawrence for NYU” fan page, which has since garnered over 20,000 likes.

As the university’s most popular student-made Facebook page, it has been used as a gathering place for students to make Lawrence-related graduation plans.

“Students from the costume design department are planning to wear Mystique-like prosthetics,” said Tisch sophomore Hannah Horvath.

The page’s most popular post is a growing list of students planning to ask Lawrence out on a date as they receive their diplomas.

The word “No” is expected to be said by Lawrence at least 20,000 times on graduation day.

A version of this article appeared in the Monday, April 1 print edition. Seth Cohen is an emo teenager who is from the O.C. Email him at editor@nyunews.com.

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Comments

2 Responses to “BREAKING: Jennifer Lawrence announced as commencement speaker for class of 2013”

  1. Priya on April 1st, 2013 11:37 am

    I thought Ryan Atwood was more of an emo teenager in the O.C. “I volunteer as speaker”. Hahahah!

    [Reply]

  2. Bryan on April 1st, 2013 12:24 pm

    Okay… I legit fell for this. But seriously NYU, you need to tell us who is speaking already.

    [Reply]

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