Hayden Heroes speak to cookie spirit

Hayden Heroes speak to cookie spirit

Tragedy struck NYU this year when Hayden, the beloved dorm and dining hall, was temporarily shut down for renovation. While students once flocked to Hayden for its signature Meatless Mondays and cozy interior, it is common campus knowledge that it was the magical Hayden Cookies that kept students hooked.

The perfectly baked chocolate chip cookies were so coveted that students often devoted entire meal swipes to them, filling to-go boxes with the treasured treats. Students who did not like the cookies were often expelled from friend groups, chased down by angry mobs yielding pitchforks or, in best-case scenarios, sent to the NYU Wellness Center.

News of Hayden’s closing hit students hard. When the announcement was made and the universitywide email was sent out, NYU flags were lowered to half-mast. Some students went on hunger strikes, and many dawned mourning clothes, wearing nothing but black for weeks.

Despite allegations that the Torch Club is offering students similar chocolate chip cookies, there have been reports that a group of students called the Hayden Heroes plan to take drastic measures to bring about the true return of the cookies. This group of students has made previous attempts to bring back the sacred baked goods by hosting protests, creating petitions and even boycotting John Sexton’s hugs. Unfortunately, none of their attempts have yielded results. As cookie withdrawal is becoming more and more severe for many of the group’s members, the Hayden Heroes have decided to turn to the spirit world as a final, desperate attempt to bring back the edible pieces of heaven.

On Halloween night, the Hayden Heroes plan to perform a seance in order to bring the spirit of Hayden Cookies back to campus.  The ceremony will be held in Washington Square Park, where a team of paranormal experts will meet the students to assist with the spiritual revival. The Hayden Heroes created a Facebook event for the seance, which instructs students who wish to witness the encounter with the spirit world to wear elastic waist pants and to bring cups of milk, in hopes that the students’ readiness to consume copious amounts of cookies will encourage the spirit of Hayden Cookies to return to this realm.

Though the possibility of the return of Hayden Cookies has led to excitement among the Hayden Heroes, some students who plan to participate in the seance admit that they are nervous about the upcoming otherworldly encounter. One member, a senior in CAS who has asked to go by the name Cookie Luver in order to maintain anonymity, admits to feeling apprehensive about the event.

“I admit it,” Luver said. “I don’t know what is going to happen when we summon the Hayden Cookie spirits. But I do know one thing is for sure — anything is better than eating another Weinstein cookie.”

This story is part of our fictitious coverage in celebration of Halloween 2014. All people and events in the story are fictional.