Sexton to throw rager on Fire Island for NYUAD laborers

Josh Andros, Staff Writer

In recognition of laborers’ hard work at the new Abu Dhabi campus, NYU President John Sexton has invited 300 of the migrant construction workers to vacation with him at his Fire Island summer home.

“NYU has given me so much: a generous salary, the $1 million loan for this sweet-ass house, my son’s Law School suite and countless other forms of financial compensation,” Sexton said. “This is my way of giving back to the people who have made all that possible.”

Sexton added that between this party and all the hugs he gives out, he figures “they’re pretty much even.” The event, which Sexton is calling “The First Annual Let’s Let Bygones Be BBQs Bash” is being described as “bitchin’” by Sexton. Responding to claims that the whole affair was a cynical and misguided attempt to score a public relations victory, Sexton said he decided to throw the party for purely personal reasons.

“The whole Human Rights Watch report thing really killed my vibe,” Sexton said, referring to the report which first brought the abuses to light. “And when I’m feeling down, you know I gots to throw me a rager.”

Sexton added that the decision to invite the NYUAD workers to the party was also not an attempt to repair his fractured public image, but simply a way to show his “closest compadres” a good time.

“I know these people by name,” Sexton said. “They’re my friends. It’s only right that these people, my bros, can come and party with me whenever they want.”

It was revealed through e-vite that the workers would be able to “enjoy the million-dollar views, hit the beach or just chill.”

One of the workers who was invited to the celebration, Azzam Shakar, had questions about the sincerity of Sexton’s intentions.

“They spelled my name wrong on the invitation and they made it clear that they wouldn’t be paying for any travel expenses,” Shakar said. “Stuff like that makes me wonder if I’m as close to Sexton as he insists I am.”

However, Shakar admitted that the prospect of taking a break from his grueling, 75-hour work week was very appealing.

“I guess I would like to get away from the 15 guys in the shack I live in for a weekend,” Shakar said. “And hey, I hear the police in the U.S. don’t maim and deport people for trying to unionize, so that’s a plus.”

In his e-vite, Sexton said he hoped everyone would show up.

“I encourage all my homies to stop by,” Sexton said. “Admission is only $78,000 — more than fair for the caliber of fiesta we’re talking about.”

At press time, more than 200 workers have responded to the invitation, saying that while they’d love to come, they will be unable to leave work as their passports are still being held by their employers.

A version of this article appeared in the Wednesday, April 1 print edition. Email Josh Andros at [email protected].