How will you spend your Thanksgiving break?
I was ready to like the new NYU Bookstore. Really, I was. At first glance, it seemed like a winning combination of Barnes & Noble and Abercrombie. I fell in love with the new textbook section, which no longer feels like a disorganized wine cellar in the basement of a hospital. I appreciated the addition of different color lanyards, acknowledged the presence of Think Coffee and even found myself accepting the existence of NYU miniskirts, NYU Salvatore Ferragamo scarves and whatever the fuck you can buy in the "Kids Corner."
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Until I saw the NYU dog raincoat.
You can find it on the right-hand wall, almost prominently displayed underneath some NYU decals and next to the registers. It's actually not a new addition to the Bookstore's inventory, but they used to keep it in the back. By dog clothing standards, it's not that garish: just a little yellow number with the NYU logo on the back, framed by a dog bone. All for $25.95.
By NYU merchandising standards, it's the worst.
I'm not the kind of guy who looks for an excuse to whine about NYU's expansions, contractions or contortions. I'm sure Columbia's similarly gargantuan bookstore also stocks a dog raincoat — one that's probably made by the same canine clothing sweatshop. Nonetheless, it bothered me to see it hanging there, waiting to be rushed home with squeals of glee by an overexcited mom with a soon-to-be-miserable Welsh Corgi. It has to be breaching the upper limit of something.
Stay with me for a moment and assume that the NYU dog raincoat isn't just a blind cash-grab. Is this NYU's way of artificially bolstering school spirit? Does the university somehow think that because its human students won't show up to basketball games, it can make up for the enthusiasm deficit by making little cheerleaders out of unsuspecting animals?
Even worse, there are different sizes, so no matter what kind of dog you have — be it a noble labrador or the miniature poodle you carry around as an accessory — you can humiliate it. I'm well aware that we tend to project our personalities onto pets, but somehow I don't think anthropomorphism really works with academic affiliation. Your dog doesn't read U.S. News and World Report.
For some businesses, merchandising is a crucial way to rake in some cash (and, of course, advertise) without having to cut costs or expend resources elsewhere. NYU has a lot to gain from aggressive branding; in fact, aggressive branding goes hand-in-hand with John Sexton's plans for (quite literal) world domination.
But I wonder if slapping "NYU" on items that have no logical reason to be even vaguely associated with NYU — items made for another species! — doesn't dilute the brand it's supposed to extend. It's a bad sign when your school bookstore begins to recall that one scene in "Spaceballs": Come! Walk this way! Take a look! We put the picture's name on EVERYTHING! Merchandising! Merchandising! Merchandising! Where the real money from the movie is made!
A few years ago, the paparazzi caught a picture of Britney Spears wearing a Harvard sweatshirt. I know school pride isn't our forte, fellow students, but let me ask you this: Which is worse, Britney Spears or a drooling cocker spaniel?
Wait, nevermind. Don't answer that.
