How will you spend your Thanksgiving break?
It's officially midseason in the NFL, as all 32 teams have played at least eight of their 16 regular-season contests. While this column often looks forward to the coming week, the season's midpoint seems as good a time as any to look back to what has happened so far.
Other, "credible" columns might give you the leaders for the NFL's most coveted awards. You'd hear the same names over and over, like Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Josh McDaniels.
Here, we'll celebrate the worst of the first half. Instead of awards, we're going to hand out demerits received for achieving the worst in athletics — the DRAWAs. Is it coincidence that DRAWA spells "award" backward? You betcha!
If you're a fan of the Colts, Saints, Vikings or the rest of the NFL elite, this column is thankfully not for you. But if your allegiances lie with teams like the Raiders or Browns, then this is going to be a long ride.
Least Valuable Player DRAWA — Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn (tie), QBs, Cleveland
Since quarterbacks win the glory, the credit and the MVPs when things go right, it follows that they deserve the shame, the blame and the LVP when things go wrong. Steve McNair and Peyton Manning shared this award for their excellence at quarterback in 2003, so Anderson and Quinn earn the DRAWA here.
In "leading" Cleveland to a 1-7 record, Anderson and Quinn have been rotated in and out of the starting lineup. In total, the former pro bowler and the former first-round pick have combined for 3 TDs, 12 INTs, 1,090 yards and a 48.5 completion percentage. Combine their quarterback rating is 98.3, which is worse than the top six quarterbacks in the league. And did I mention that this team has only one win?
Most Offensive Player DRAWA — JaMarcus Russell, QB, Oakland
As in, his performance offends me.
Russell was the first overall pick in the 2007 NFL draft. He held out on training camp because he wanted more money, and his performance has (surprise!)suffered ever since. Rumors have circulated across the Bay Area that Russell doesn't prepare enough and that he's out of shape, and anyone who's watched him play can't argue.
So far, Russell has 2 TDs, 9 INTs, a 2-6 record and no answers in sight. His best game of the season, in which he earned an 85.4 quarterback rating, came in a 44-7 loss to the Giants. Unlike the Anderson-Quinn combo, Russell is likely starting for the rest of the season because (a) he has $31.5 million guaranteed, and (b) his backups are named Bruce Gradkowski and Charlie Frye.
Coach of the Year DRAWA — Jim Zorn, Washington
A lot of good candidates here, but as most of the coaches with 1-7 records are rookies, we'll go with Zorn, who led the Redskins to a 2-6 record. Yes, playing in the brutal NFC East is tough, and Dan Snyder can't be the easiest owner to work with, but this team just shoudn't be as bad is it is. The team was handed a rare opportunity by fate and the schedule-makers: The Redskins' first six games came against winless teams. Incredibly, the team lost four of those games, including the games against Detroit and Kansas City, both of whom notched their only wins so far this season.
The failure starts at the top with Zorn. Or at least, he was the top; Snyder has stripped him of his play-calling duties. Although at this rate, it's not going to make a difference.
Not-So-Special Team-Player of the Year DRAWA — Steven Hauschka, K, Baltimore
At the end of last season, the Ravens parted ways with kicker Matt Stover, who was with the team since its Cleveland days and is only the franchise's all-time leader in points scored. They replaced him with Hauschka, who has been somewhat of a disappointment. He is only 8-for-11 on field goals on the season, good for a 72.7 percentage and 24th in the NFL. He is only 2-for-4 from 40 yards or more. More importantly for the Ravens, he's missed a pair of big (and makeable) field goals, a key fourth-quarter try in Cincinnati last week, and a potential game-winner in Minnesota in Week Six.
Stover, a perfect 6-for-6, is signed on with the Indianapolis Colts while Adam Vinatieri is out. Stover and the Colts visit Baltimore in Week 11, setting up a possible revenge factor for Stover or, perhaps, another opportunity for Hauschka to be the goat.
Game of the Year DRAWA — Cleveland 6, Buffalo 3
This narrowly edges New England 59, Tennessee 0, but at least that Week Six game featured a touchdown. This Week Four game was an absolute trainwreck. The best player might have been Cleveland punter Dave Zastudil. Browns quarterback Derek Anderson went 2-for-17, registered 23 yards and an interception, piled up a quarterback rating of 15.1 — and won.
So far this season, America managed to avoid seeing the Browns. Unfortunately, they have a home date with the Ravens this week on Monday Night Football. Thank goodness some of America doesn't have cable.
