The Senate has been deadlocked in negotiations for days over their annual April Fool’s Day prank on President Obama. Although the prank is usually ceremonial, Senate Republicans have been pushing for more elaborate pranks to “make it clear to the American people how seriously we take this sort of thing,” as Speaker John Boehner said in a press release Sunday. Resolution of this issue is paramount to national security — failure to prank our own leader would be taken as a sign of weakness by our enemies, particularly North Korea, which has succeeded for years in clever pranks such as having people pretend to die of starvation en masse.
Senate Democrats have refused to make any compromises, insisting that the Senate do no more than place a whoopee cushion in the Oval Office. “We are against any sort of food-related or liquid-based prank,” Sen. Elizabeth Warren stated at a press conference Saturday. “We also object to the inclusion of Malia, Natasha or Bo in any joke.”
Notable pranks from yesteryear include the 1941 Senate’s unscrewing of the hinges on FDR’s wheelchair, the sneak-shaving of half of Teddy Roosevelt’s famous mustache and the tragic surprise tiger that led to the death of President William Henry Harrison.
President Obama does not fear a similar result, and has invited the Republicans to do their worst: “I won’t be intimidated by parlor tricks or other attacks on my office. After all, I have drones that roam the skies. I think I’ll see it coming.”
Public interest in the coming prank has waned in recent years. When the tradition first began with Speaker of the House Henry Clay hiding a Native American in President Andrew Jackson’s private bathroom, the public loved it. However, many Joe Six-Packs have complained that the intense debate over the prank has distracted from more serious issues. The Senate has tabled discussions on the economy, North Korea and the right of the president to murder American citizens without a trial, in order to focus on which brand of whoopee cushion would produce the loudest fart noise.
The Senate must put differences aside and find a way to prank the Commander-in-Chief. Failing to do so would encourage our enemies and dishearten the public. We cannot continue to call ourselves the freest country in the world if we cannot even get our own leader to slip on a banana peel.
A version of this article appeared in the Monday, April 1 print edition. Ian Marky Mark is a former member of the Funky Bunch. Email him at [email protected].
