New York University's independent student newspaper, established in 1973.

Washington Square News

New York University's independent student newspaper, established in 1973.

Washington Square News

New York University's independent student newspaper, established in 1973.

Washington Square News

A mural of a woman’s face holding up a chain with the word “LOISAIDA” and a gold cityscape. The words “el bohio murals” and “#BRINGARTBACK” are next to the woman alongside the words “CURATED BY … THRIVECOLLECTIVE.ORG.”
Activists’ 25-year fight to revive an East Village community center
Dharma Niles, Deputy News Editor • Mar 12, 2024
A front entrance with the text “Electric Lady Studios” written in a retro white font on two reflective walls.
‘An exploitative environment’: The interns behind Electric Lady Studios
Julia Diorio, Music Editor • Feb 20, 2024

Claire Danes reveals witchcraft, magic powers at Women in Hollywood Gala

Graphic by Claude Rains/WSN

Multi-Emmy and Golden Globe winner. Native New Yorker. Mother. Wife. These are just a few of actress Claire Danes’ many titles. But for the attendees at last night’s 2013 Elle Women in Hollywood gala, this list excludes an essential label — witch.

Last night at the Beverly Hills Four Seasons, Danes stood in front of the gala’s many honorees and claimed her success is partially connected to her genes.

“My father’s a warlock. So, yeah, I guess you could say that I’m a witch,” she said.

The crowd was in a state of utter shock — though to be fair, they were already mesmerized by the brilliance of Danes’ dress she inherited from her grandmother on her father’s side, Glinda Danes.

Danes noticed the lasting effect of her dress on the audience and commented on the false impression she’s left on the fashion world.

“Sorry guys, I forgot I already put you under a hex so that I could get an ‘A-plus’ in the red-carpet section of The Hollywood Reporter,” Danes said. “I promise, I’m trying to stop.”

To the outraged women in the room, Danes tried to appeal.

“Talent and luck can only go so far,” she said. “Back in 1995, I left things to chance, and that didn’t get me anywhere.”

An audience member wondered what the ramifications of Danes’ confession would be for the current season of “Homeland.”

“You won’t remember this by Sunday,” Danes answered with a laugh. “I’ll make sure of it.”

But is there any hope for Danes to head back to basics, relying on her talent alone? Apparently not. Danes’ so-called magical life now revolves around breaking impossible awards records and being the best dressed person to have ever attended an Ivy League university.

“That Kerry Washington is hot,” Danes exclaimed. “But there is no way I am letting her stand in the way of my third consecutive Emmy win.”

When asked about her weekend plans, Danes said she is planning a quiet family vacation for herself, husband Hugh Dancy and their son Cyrus.

“I’m just sick of dragging my broomstick to Salem all the time,” she said. “It’s so historical. Plus, Cyrus needs to learn how to control his powers in a sheltered, loving environment. I’m thinking we’ll actually go to Washington, D.C., for a while. It looks nice on that show I conjured. Plus, I need to feed Mandy Patinkin.”

This story is part of our fictitious coverage in celebration of Halloween 2013. All people and events in the story are fictional.

A version of this article appeared in the Thursday, Oct. 31 print edition. Carrie White is prom queen. Email her at [email protected].

Leave a comment

Comments (0)

Comments that are deemed spam or hate speech by the moderators will be deleted.
All Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *