How to not wear a scarf

Grace Dixon, Contributing Writer

To the burbs and back, here are some prime examples to avoid when tying the knot on your winter scarf.

The Mom Loop

Alternatively referred to as the Mom Noose, the scarf is folded in half to create a loop through which the other end of the scarf is pulled.  This creates a noose around the victim’s neck, insulating the naked skin from bitter winter winds. Intended for maximum neck warmth and utility while requiring minimum skill level, this style is favored by moms over the age of 35 with two or more children.

While utilitarian, this style raises several questions. What does one do with the ends of the scarf?  How warm does one’s neck need to be? Should one be careful about the strangulation dangers from pulling too tightly? Is there any kind of scarf that can make this style attractive? 

The Grandma Shawl

Often accompanied by pullovers of varying pastel shades as well as sensible shoes, the scarf is draped over the shoulders and tied in front, over the chest. The scarf’s power of warmth travels through the cashmere sweater set to the wearer. Two significant variations include the East Coast grandmother’s drape, usually attempted with a silkier variety, and the Florida species whose natural habitat of frigid indoor malls demands a heavier material.

This particular style holds no value outside of these parameters. In such situations the scarf becomes functionally impractical, allowing for limited upward range of motion in the arms. Any movement above the shoulders results in the scarf being unsettled, requiring readjustment.

As a Non-Scarf Clothing Item

Why wear a scarf as a scarf when you can wear it as a belt, a shirt or a trendy vest?  As with any other Pinterest tutorial, however, this one should be taken with a grain of salt. Yes, it’s impressive you can tie a scarf into a lightweight vest, and yes, everyone can still tell that it’s a scarf.

Not intended for the faint of heart, this style presents a steep challenge for novices, leaving them to question the benefits of learning such an art. Lacking in utility as well as aesthetic appeal, audiences come to the conclusion that the style’s sole benefit lies in the bragging rights awarded to the select few who master such a skill.

As a Hijab

While recent pop culture has sought to hypersexualize the hijab by disassociating the religious accessory from its original connotations, doing so dismisses centuries of religious significance. While celebrity figures such as Khloe Kardashian and Lady Gaga have donned head coverings on red carpets on Instagram as stylish or sexualized accessories, doing so disregards its original implications.

The hijab holds deep religious significance, symbolizing the relationship between a woman and her creator. The head covering is intended to de-emphasize a woman’s outward appearance in order to compel others to focus on her true personality. With the clear exception of practicing Muslim women, wearing a hijab to feel “exotic” or “foreign” is unacceptable.

In short, there are countless ways to drape a blanket scarf for warmth in winter months, many of which do not require cultural appropriation.

Email Grace Dixon at [email protected].