As our beautiful staff returns from spring break, they are filled with more topics to rant about for your entertainment.

On Inconsiderate Students:

I hate those inconsiderate students who put their backpack and all their crap on the seat next to them. Like does one human being really need two seats? And then me, being the late student, comes in looking for a seat to slip into quietly, but no — I can’t! I’ve literally stood next to a seat with a backpack in it, making direct eye contact with its owner, but to no avail. I’m sorry your backpack is so fancy it can’t touch the ground. — Faith Gates, Deputy Features Editor

On Milk Drinkers:

People who drink milk, by itself, are psychopaths. I know that doesn’t sound logical, but let me break it down for you. Imagine this: there is a young man sitting in front of the fire, holding a cylindrical glass of milk. The pale froth rests on his lips for a moment before it creeps down his throat. Now, bear with me: the man is a psychopath. Does it make sense to you now? Ok, good. All I’m saying is that drinking a tall glass of cow juice is much too close to drinking a tall glass of blood. — Jemima McEvoy, News Editor

On Slush:

Snow in the city is absolutely magical. However, the two weeks after the snow has stopped falling are disgusting. There is no worse feeling that humanity has experienced in the history of time and space than when you try to jump over that gross puddle of brown half-melted slush, only to fail and feel a small bit of it cling to your sock for the rest of your walk home. — Tom Price, Opinion Editor

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