Standing at six feet two inches, dark skinned, donning a low-cut with a wave, Bernard Brown is what he called “a heart healer.” Having loved and lost and loved again, he is in a long-term relationship and eager to share his hardwon relationship wisdom. As a result, he’s won a devoted following among his fellow inmates.
Recently, he shared a few of his secrets with WSN.
Jermaine Haywood: What makes you a Heart Healer?
Bernard Brown: I’m able to see where people go wrong in relationships, and I can inject principles and morality into the situation.
JH: How did you get started?
BB: It came to me on a whim. I noticed many people were coming to me for relationship advice and tips on how to approach women. My suggestions helped some individuals and failed others. I began to look more closely at the people who my advice didn’t work for, and I came to see that more often than not, those people were leaving out vital information when telling me their situations — usually information that showed them in a bad light. Once I began pushing for more honesty, the results improved.
JH: How do you define a real and passionate relationship?
BB: I believe a passionate relationship is when two people are invested in a connection. It is a known fact that if you’re the only one invested in the relationship, it will not go far. The key is to find someone just as committed to the relationship as you are and share the value of love.
JH: What is an example of unhealthy relationship?
BB: It can be two people not talking about problems that exist, failing to challenge each other to grow or when both participants are not willing to participate fully. They only give half of themselves. People have a hard time sharing themselves with other people. They are more comfortable being alone. Committing to someone other than themselves throws them off balance. I want to show people that when you share yourself with the right person, you don’t lose who you are. Sharing yourself is healthy.
KH: There seems to be a lot of fear.
BB: People are concerned that the other person will fail them, and this hinders the person’s potential to be a valuable addition to their life. They wind up looking for failure instead of a relationship.
KH: When a relationship seems to be dying, how can you tell when love is worth fighting for?
BB: That depends on whether you’re fighting for this relationship by yourself. If that’s the case, then I’d say no. Let it go and move on. However, if the relationship is something both parties want, then love is worth the fight.
KH: How can couples improve their conversational skills?
BB: Talk to your other half honestly, and the truth will always guide you.
KH: Why is starting over with a new relationship so scary?
BB: Because it requires a lot a work. New things force us to step out of our comfort zone, but new beginnings can bring new blessings.
KH: What are some of the worst assumptions to make in a relationship?
BB: Assuming that ignoring the problem will solve it or make it go away. You expect her to read your mind. If you want it to last, get accustomed to communicating. Be clear, precise, direct and willing to talk.
As for the women, don’t assume he doesn’t care about your feelings. Guard your heart, but remember he has one too. Do not expect that bickering and fighting with him will solve the problem. Healthy communication strengthens while bad communication doesn’t.
KH: That’s good advice, Bernard. Last question: what do you get out of doing this?
BB: When you’re full of love, you can’t help but want an opportunity to share it with somebody else. I’m glad to know I have sound advice to offer.
Read more from The Wallkill Journal’s April 30 issue here.
Email Jermaine Haywood at [email protected]